Advice From the Future #1: Elections

Michael from October 22nd, 2012 asks:

Q: Who will win this November’s election?

A: If there’s one thing I know about advice columns, it’s that you shouldn’t kick things off by writing a genuine answer to a question this politically charged right before an election. But I’ve been writing these rant-y letters for 61 years now, and I don’t intend to not give an honest opinion just because the people of 2012 are too sensitive! Ha! The things we used to worry about back then! Medicare and health insurance. All eventaully solved on their own by the influenza outbreak of 2041 that halved the population. Whew. Very sad. But in a way…

To answer your question: it doesn’t matter. I know it seems like a lot is riding on this very election but if the Republicans win, things stay mostly the same and sadly Guantanamo Bay stays open. And if the Democrats win, Guantanamo Bay still stays open. One thing is for certain though: YOU SHOULD NOT VOTE FOR PRESIDENT OBAMA 3.1 in 2028!! In hindsight, we should have known from his name that something was fishy. It turned out Obama 3.1 was merely a 3-D printout of former US President, Barack Obama 2.1 (2020-28). Really don’t know how we missed it. Good luck to you.

                                                                                               Future Dan

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union